Thursday, December 1, 2011


So my mom, step-dad, grandmother and grandfather came in for thanksgiving weekend. I have NEVER enjoyed my grandparents more than I did this weekend. They were happy, there weren't any negative words thrown around. It was wonderful.

I'm still getting rested from that weekend, but it was good. My popaw is 90 years old. My momaw is 83. They are doing pretty good for their ages, but popaw can't lift himself anymore, and it broke my heart. We had to lift him off the bed, off the couch, out of the wheel chair. My momaw got to rest, and got waited on. She had the time of her life. They got to sleep, and nap together. I will attach pictures soon. They were so cute!

Mom and I cooked thanksgiving dinner. It was REALLY good. I wanna say it was one of the best ones she has cooked. We had, mashed potatoes, turkey, and stuffing. We did have pumpkin pie, and apple pie. It was yummy....thanks to marie calander for that. lol. Egg nog, silk nog, vanilla spice egg nog, pumpkin egg nog.......and i think that is it. There wasn't a lot, but there was a lot to do with all the foods and peeling, cutting, cooking, and helping grandparents while cooking.

I was TOTALLY stressed before thanksgiving, but it was really enjoyable. I love my parents/grandparents. I'm looking forward to Christmas. My brother and his 3 kids, and my mom and step-dad....and then maybe my grandparents. I hope they come again. My brother and his family would love to spend time with grandparents like we did at thanksgiving. It was REALLY a good time with them.

pissy mood...

I have a cousin who's life has been nothing but perfect. She gets everything she wants. It makes me mad. She's more shallow than spit in a spoon. I found out she has infertility issues, and I asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She doesn't talk about things that aren't happy. She just had her kid, and it pisses me off to see her pics, talk about her or even hear her name. I know I shouldn't have this hate in my heart against her, but I don't know how to remove it. I'm not happy for her. I wish her nothing but a hard life. I hate to admit this, but maybe getting it out of me will help. If you read this please pray for me. I have even found myself wishing her baby to be born with problems. Its horrible, and I hate me being this way, but how can I stop it?

My life hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination. I have had MANY struggles and fights. I have a lot of hurt and problems I have to work through. I will never have a child of my own. I have had so many heartaches, and this cousin of mine, has had the worlds easiest life. How is that fair?

I don't hate anyone else in my family. My brother and his wife had a child this time last year, and I was nothing but happy for them. I love all 3 of their kids.

Father God, please remove this hatred from my heart. I don't love this feeling, I feel emptier inside. Please Father, make me more like you. Make me happy for her.