Thursday, December 1, 2011


So my mom, step-dad, grandmother and grandfather came in for thanksgiving weekend. I have NEVER enjoyed my grandparents more than I did this weekend. They were happy, there weren't any negative words thrown around. It was wonderful.

I'm still getting rested from that weekend, but it was good. My popaw is 90 years old. My momaw is 83. They are doing pretty good for their ages, but popaw can't lift himself anymore, and it broke my heart. We had to lift him off the bed, off the couch, out of the wheel chair. My momaw got to rest, and got waited on. She had the time of her life. They got to sleep, and nap together. I will attach pictures soon. They were so cute!

Mom and I cooked thanksgiving dinner. It was REALLY good. I wanna say it was one of the best ones she has cooked. We had, mashed potatoes, turkey, and stuffing. We did have pumpkin pie, and apple pie. It was yummy....thanks to marie calander for that. lol. Egg nog, silk nog, vanilla spice egg nog, pumpkin egg nog.......and i think that is it. There wasn't a lot, but there was a lot to do with all the foods and peeling, cutting, cooking, and helping grandparents while cooking.

I was TOTALLY stressed before thanksgiving, but it was really enjoyable. I love my parents/grandparents. I'm looking forward to Christmas. My brother and his 3 kids, and my mom and step-dad....and then maybe my grandparents. I hope they come again. My brother and his family would love to spend time with grandparents like we did at thanksgiving. It was REALLY a good time with them.

pissy mood...

I have a cousin who's life has been nothing but perfect. She gets everything she wants. It makes me mad. She's more shallow than spit in a spoon. I found out she has infertility issues, and I asked her if she wanted to talk about it. She doesn't talk about things that aren't happy. She just had her kid, and it pisses me off to see her pics, talk about her or even hear her name. I know I shouldn't have this hate in my heart against her, but I don't know how to remove it. I'm not happy for her. I wish her nothing but a hard life. I hate to admit this, but maybe getting it out of me will help. If you read this please pray for me. I have even found myself wishing her baby to be born with problems. Its horrible, and I hate me being this way, but how can I stop it?

My life hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination. I have had MANY struggles and fights. I have a lot of hurt and problems I have to work through. I will never have a child of my own. I have had so many heartaches, and this cousin of mine, has had the worlds easiest life. How is that fair?

I don't hate anyone else in my family. My brother and his wife had a child this time last year, and I was nothing but happy for them. I love all 3 of their kids.

Father God, please remove this hatred from my heart. I don't love this feeling, I feel emptier inside. Please Father, make me more like you. Make me happy for her. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

thanksgiving....a comedy....or a stresser what ever. you tell me....


So we found out my grandparents are making the trip with my mother, step-dad, and aunt to be here for thanksgiving. This made me have to come up with a place for my grandparents to stay while they are here. Here's how it went....

me: mom i have an air bed they can sleep on
mom: ok, that works.
me: its queen size double height, so they won't be sleeping close to floor.
mom: perfect. thanks!

later that day....

mom: can you find a king size double high self inflating bed that we can get for your grandparents to sleep on?
me: ok. i'll call around and see what i can find.
mom: thanks.

a little later after MANY MANY phone calls to businesses.....

me: mom walmart doesn't carry anything above a queen. gander mountain and out door world don't have any of the king size double height self inflating beds....but i found one in stock online, well i made a call to make sure they would guarantee it on wed.
mom: how much.
me: $242 and change...and usually the bed alone is $400.
mom: your grandma won't pay that and i don't have that, but call her.
me: ok

me: hi momaw,  i found a bed for you and popaw.
momaw: how much?
me: for a king size self inflating double height bed its $242 and change.
momaw: no. wouldn't it be cheaper to find twin size double height self inflating beds?
me: probably.

later that day and MANY MANY phone calls later

mom: i'm sitting here waiting to find out what i'm supposed to do, do i go into gander mountain to look for a bed for your grandparents?
me: no, making more phone calls trying to find  twin size double height self inflating beds because it was too expensive for the king size one.
mom: let me call your grandparents and see what i can do.

later that day and again more phone calls looking for  twin size double height self inflating beds....

store lady: i hate to tell you they don't make self inflating twin double height air beds. self inflating beds are only for queen and king.
me: shit. thanks.

me: mom no such thing as a  twin size double height self inflating bed exists, only queen and king.
mom: shit.
me: i know
mom: let me call mom and i'll let you know.
me: ok

a little while later...

mom: they're just gonna use your bed.
me: ok.

then later (still) hubby and I have to go shopping to get stuff for thanksgiving since mom gave us the money and everyone is coming here for thanksgiving dinner. we get to walmart and find (surprisingly) a 20lb turkey. yay! we get the rest of the 2 pages of stuff.....but they didn't have what we needed for stuffing and no cranberry sauce and not enough for the oranges. so we have too much celery and onions for no stuffing, and cranberries with no cranberry sauce and no oranges. ugh.

all while we're making shopping lists and the phone calls continue to happen I get a phone call for a stove for my aunt's little place she's moving into down here. I had already given up hope on getting this thing since I called at 9 am and left a message. So I take the phone call and try and set it up so i can get it friday or after hubby gets off work tomorrow. But they are only available from 10 - 2 tomorrow and not holding for me since they have 7 more people interested. My thought again now is SHIT. So I call mom and get her to approve the funds for the stove. Then I call the lady back and say I'll come get it at noon tomorrow. All the while I'm ready to shit my pants since I really have to poo, and I'll have to drive and get the stove tomorrow. I'm not sure what to do now.

I have a kitchen FULL of dirty dishes. Literally everything is dirty. We've been pulling mom's stuff out storage so we have everything we need for thanksgiving, and some stuff she needs to take home with her when she goes. I have boxes FULL of trash and then flattened boxes sitting in my house needing to go to the dumpster, and a box full of goodwill stuff that needs to go out.....I have what like 2 days before house is a TOTAL mess.....I have a box full of stuff that needs to be shredded...and my shredder is dead. I don't have a burn barrel or else I'd burn the shit.  I have laundry in trash bags that needs to be folded and put away. I need to sweep and mop. All the while I'm sick...I think I have another ear infection. I'm so completely tired just thinking about what I have left to accomplish before my family gets here.

I also have to finish moving shit out of the house out back that my aunt is moving into. I just thought I'm not sure what to do about her....I have NO sheets for her bed. I have no pillows or towels for anyone to use while they are at my house. My hubby doesn't get paid until friday (yes the dreaded black friday) and we will have to grocery shop again for just normal food/need shopping after thanksgiving. UGH. We will have to save some of that to celebrate my birthday, since its a week and a day after thanksgiving. I'm ready for January to be here.

I have to go through house cleaning again for december for family coming again, next time its my brother his wife and their 3 kids and mom and step-dad again then too. Blah, anyone have any sleeping pills they can share so i can sleep through this all???

I mean I love my family, but I hate all the preparation that goes into holidays and family coming. I'm done writing, and ready to sleep. Good night all!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

wonderful mother(s)

Well, I know I am blessed to have my mom. That's as easy as it is.....I also have a wonderful mother-in-law...I also have a step-mother....I also have a step-mother-in-law.....and I think that's it. Well, I also have a Grandmother....she counts too.

She is my friend. She is a wonderful mother. She is a giving person. She is a great care taker to me and to others. She has a heart of gold. She fought to keep us kids when I was younger. I know she's not perfect, she's the first to admit that, but that's part of what I love about her. She gives out of abundance and gives out of need. She's always there to lend an ear to a friend or to me. She's great to give advice if asked, and not giving unwanted advice. She has given me a gift of creativity. The time we spend together (whether we're talking online or being together in person) we're almost always crafting or talking about crafting or ideas of things to craft. I love my mother dearly. I'm glad she's part of my life. I love you dearly mom. My mom has a heart after God! She seeks him constantly. I'm so proud to call you mommy! I'm glad you are who you are.

My mother-in-law, Sharon. I love her and Pop both. I love her children, she raised them all well. I love the fact that she send us snail mail....its always an encouragement. I am so blessed to have married into this family. She is a blessing. Thank you for welcoming me into your family and loving me as one of your kids! She is a wonderful christian woman, and a prayer warrior.

My step-mother, Kathy. Though I don't know her well, I love the fact that she makes my dad happy. I have enjoyed talking to her the few times we've gone out to dinner and on the phone. She has sent me shoes, bags and clothes a few times, and can I just say how exciting it is to get a big box of girl things!!   I'd love to spend more time getting to know her.

My step-mother-in-law, Kathy. I don't know her well either, have only spent a couple days in total with her....but she's a sweet person. Very welcoming. The first time I met her, my husband and I were on our way to arizona after our wedding (that's another story) and she didn't treat me like a guest. She treated me like family. It was kinda like being home with my family. I'd love to know her better as well.

My grandmother....I love you. I don't think we've ever known each other as well as we'd like, but we've always had one thing in common....we're both twins! She has shared stories from her youth with me, and she's had an adventurous life. Though we may not always get along, or agree on everything, I'm glad your my momaw.

wonderful world of sister in laws

I have come to realize I have the most wonderful sisters in laws.....I'm gonna start with Melissa (married to my brother). My brother and his wife have 3 of the most beautiful children. Melissa had just recently become a stay at home mom. She has been calling me more and more lately....well, this morning, I was in bed sick and she called me to say she wishes I was there. She had just made her first pumpkin roll of the year. She makes the yummiest pumpkin rolls. This year she tried to do it COMPLETELY from scratch. She got a pumpkin, cooked it and the whole nine yards. She continues to better herself and her family. She is a wonderful Godly woman and continues to grow and I love to watch her growth. She knows hubby and I have been having hard times lately....and she continues to support my creative side by trying to give me ideas that I can do from home with little to no cost to help our income. She is a WONDERFUL addition to our family. Melissa I'm so proud to call you family.

I'm going to move on to Diane (my hubby's sister). Diane and her husband have 2 children. Beautiful and smart and I love this family to pieces. Diane and her family are (i think i'm calling them the right thing here, D correct me if I'm wrong) reenactors. Diane makes their costumes and so much more. I love seeing the pictures from the reenactments. Diane writes, and let me just say I'm looking forward to reading more of her writing. Diane is a woman of God and it shows all over her and her family. I have told my hubby next time we move, I'd love to live near Diane and her family.

My next wonderful sister in law is Karin (hubby's brother's wife). Karin and her hubby have the 4 legged kind of kids. She is a teacher. I haven't gotten to know Karin greatly yet, but I know when we lived in Az near them, I always enjoyed coming over and just seeing the way she interacts with her husband, and family. She's a wonderful hostess. I would love to get to spend more time with her and learn about her. She's a warm wonderful woman of God.

I have one more sister in law. Christina (married to my other brother).Chrissy and my brother have children. She has been in the family the longest, but is known least of all to me. I hate to be like this, but I REALLY don't know much about her other than we have similar medical histories. I know right now she's going through something I'm scared of trying. I'm not going to give much info here, but we're keeping her in prayer with her family.

I love you all and would love to spend more time with each of you. I know there is much I could learn from you.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011


i'm so excited, my momma ordered me a yarn winder today!!!! yay!!!!!

thats the one she ordered for me!!!! I'm so excited!!!!

this week I have ordered yarn for my s-i-l's apron and also a yarn I need to finish my DIY yarn swift.......hmmm....I have the lazy suzan, just not the i'm gonna have to get working on that!!!

kitchen island....ideas...

so my mom and i were talking today, and she remembered that we don't have tons of counter space here and we have all the family coming together for thanksgiving and then christmas. So she had mentioned that she remembered I had my eye on this kitchen island.....there were several at Goodwill where she lives. Well, they are all gone :( so that made me think.....what about a DIY project??

so here is my idea....lets see if there is a way to make it happen REALLY REALLY cheap. here are pictures i found to explain my ideas.....

so the top picture, I LOVE pegboard....I'd want that on the back side of the island.....for bigger pots and things that don't have homes....or just cause I like it. lol. 

I love the way this is, however I wouldn't want to use it to cut on or prepare food on so if we did it like this, there would need to be some kind of protection. I was kinda thinking (I don't know what its called) but its clear, and you pour it on the surface and it might be called acrylic?? I dunno....but that was a thought. 

I love this one because there are drawers and because there is a tall door that might be good for cookie trays to stand in. I also like this for the baskets on the end for storage like potatoes and onions...or fruit?! and cause its white. I want white. The drawers would be good for our cooking utensils so we can get rid of the plastic drawers in our kitchen right now. Also good for plastic ziploc bags....and maybe for the spices once I get them how I want them all to be....but thats another post in and of itself. 

this one I love because of the wheels and because of the paper towel holder. 

I know I'd have to clean the thing up and wipe it down with vinegar so it would be ok for clean cooking things.....I would also probably want to line the drawers.......but who knows if this will happen or not. But its an interesting idea for today!! :D

pictures were not taken by me, they came from various sites on the internet......if i had saved the websites, I would give props, but just don't want to take credit for someone else's pictures.

OMG or MAYBE this for the top....

Sunday, November 13, 2011


I am so very sad tonight....I have been all excited about candles lately since its been so cold here, until I realized that my favorite candle is almost gone, and it said that it was a limited edition candle. How can I continue to burn the candle if I can't get more??? It smells sooo completely wonderful, and it fills the house with yummyness.....and its one of few scents that doesn't give me a migraine. 
see how little I have left? it was last year's special at walmart. I have to find more. HAVE to. If you have this candle and don't want it or see it anywhere feel free to send a birthday gift to me. This December. lol.


friday, i think, it may have been saturday I finally got to order the yarn to make an apron for my sister-in-law. I now am needing to find a pattern or make one up to match her kitchen...but I'm excited to have it ordered!! :D

Friday, November 11, 2011

11-11-11 goings on

So today hubby had off work, we got a lot done, stuff went to good will and moved some stuff out to the little house out back for my aunt. We took a BOAT load of stuff to the dumpsters.......we got shopping done, and had more money than usual for grocery shopping. Usually we only have about $80 for 2 weeks for hubby and me, but this time thanks to hubby working over time we had....we at least double that. So we got almost everything that we've been needing and not having funds to get. I mean I'm not going to lie, we still have about that much more stuff we need, but we got food which is important.

So today started out like this.....I had been kinda sleeping on and off for a while, but had fallen back into a good sleep. Then the Zinghoppers Hello song went off like firework in the dark......just very abrupt to silence. (Zinghoppers they are a kids group but I love their music, its happy check them out here: they have free ring tones!!!!). So anyways, I had a phone call that woke me...the guys came out to work on the roof of the place out back....there was a hole in the's what they found....

see that, aint it just loverly. not really, but they fixed it!!! YAY!!!! so we have to take care of the inside of the place next, but this was what needed fixed first. So the guys got here just before noon. (I should have taken their pics on the roof but didn't, oh well.) They were great guys. I'll take a pic later (tomorrow really) of the finished job and how wonderful it looks.  THanks to hubby for the pic of the hole on the roof. I'm TERRIFIED of heights so he was up working on the roof and I asked for a picture and he gave me this....see his foot!?

So while the guys were working and doing guy stuff on the roof, my hubby was being wonderful, and here is what he was doing.....

he was cleaning the gutters...and making me REALLY nervous. These were taking with my cell phone, not horrible.  So during all this, mom is calling me about help with my step dad's surprise 60th birthday party. I helped plan from Nashville and its happening in Charleston Wv right now.

Mom's calling  and asking for help choosing decor and gag gifts and just fun things to get for the party. He's turning 60 here in a few days.

So it was an interesting day but enjoyable over all. We got to have pizza and I cooked egg sandwiches for breakfast today. Hubby adds the yummyness to the sandwiches....he adds some kind of hot sauce that isn't horribly hot and its really yummy to my I enjoyed it. yay.

Hubby adds the spice and seasoning to my life to make it better! I still can't believe that we've been married.....sorry had to do the math....we've been married for 7.5 years. It doesn't feel that long at all. I waited more years that that for him. I'll have to tell that story another time about how we met and my kinda stalking of him.....not horrible in a creepy way, he kinda knew it was me.

Ok well I'm off to go play donkey kong with hubby on wii!! yay!!!

October blooming flowers

October blooming flowers, this was spotted infront of our house. Weird!!

-- Sent from my Palm Pixi

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Father and son sleepy heads

Aren't they cute?? On asleep on each couch....father and son nap time. 

-- Sent from my Palm Pixi

Saturday, November 5, 2011

saturday night.....not so live....

Hubby and I worked from 10 - 4 moving stuff today from the little house into the big house. (no, not jail, not that big house) and we still have a little left to do. We got rewarded with pizza for lunch from my momma for doing work.

We got to go pick hubby's dad up from the airport tonight. He's in from NM. He's going to be recording a cd here in nashville. He's here tonight, and then his friend is flying in tomorrow and then they are going to stay with another friend here in nashville area.

Its tired, and late here. Tv is on in the back ground. We've got our kitchen full of stuff to take to good will or out to the little house. We're still looking for a fridge, twin bed, and stove....i may have a bed tomorrow, but not sure, and still have to find these with little to no funds and someone who can help deliver. That is my challenge. I'm trying soooo hard to get everything needed.

ok well i'm being rude looking at a computer instead of talking and listening to father in law.

have a good night! :D

Friday, November 4, 2011


I just realized today is friday. I'm excited to spend the weekend with my hubby. However, the yukky is we have to work all weekend. :(
-- Sent from my Palm Pixi

i found a FAIL!!!!

just thought i'd share!!!! i read the add, and its actually asking for clothes, but I think people should check what they list things as!!!!

blog still in progress

i continue to work on the name and look of this blog.  right now, this is the list of names i'm working on, please don't steal them....but i'd love you to vote on what its named or just continue coming back to see what the name will end up being.

Ideas for blog names….

  • not from around here….
  • The other side of here….
  • Ramblings of a crazy…
  • This side of me…
  • Bigger is better…
  • My pseudo life…
  • Blissfully unaware…
  • Creatively detained…
  • Degree of life….
  • Learning to love life…
  • Work in progress…
  • Learning me…
  • This thing we call life…
  • No more secrets, just me…
  • Not hiding, truly me…
  • Tight rope walking on a shoestring budget…
  • Circling the drain of life…
  • Addicted to addictions…
  • Crafters anonymous…
  • Missing sock….
  • Blurry vision…
  • Surviving daily tasks…
  • Natural deficiency…
  • Oh, Crap!
  • FAR from perfect…
  • Not quite exceptional….
  • Far from exceptional…
  • Stuff and Junk…
  • Gibberish…
  • Wasps nest…
  • The Day of a Couch Potato…
  • Kindergarten love…
  • Design of a foggy mind…
  • Crafter stuck in an unimaginative body…
  • Occasionally me….
  • Not another bag…
  • Thinking out loud
  • Warning! I make no sense
  • ...random nothingness....
 i haven't decided on what i'm going to write about, i kinda just like keeping it as a blog, bitching, crafting, me area.....feel free to leave ideas! :D

Thursday, November 3, 2011

work in progress....or not?! ugh.....

So I'm trying to get the house ready for the holidays and my aunt moving in to the little house out back...which means i have to move all my mom's stuff out of the little house out back. My hubby said we'll put mom's stuff in the extra bedroom. Which means we're going to have to get off our butts and go through the crap in the extra bedroom. So we've been moving crap and getting rid of stuff.....I had a bookshelf in the middle of the living room with stuff needing a home.....i ended up getting rid of some stuff and the other i just shoved under the desk in the floor.

so i'm getting myself hyped up to move and re package everything in the little house out back that belongs to my mom. its going to take a while to move and deal with....but its gonna help mom and my aunt. I also have my father in law coming in on monday (we think at last we heard) and then my hubby has been working overtime.

i'm working on my house and trying to find things for my aunt, but here is the issue, I've got no money to get what is needed. I posted an add on craigslist saying my need and I get nasty emails telling me to get a job and buy what is needed. So now i'm getting pissy trying to get the needed stuff. I'm also selling stuff on craigslist trying to help get money for my mother and my hubby and myself, as well as selling stuff for my brother and his wife in florida. Nothing is selling, and people are sending scamming emails. I'm fit to be tied. I need a fridge, a single bed, and a stove for my aunt, and 2 of which we can't fit in our car even if we did get it for free.

This very instant i'm freezing and having a sugar attack or something....I'm shaking so hard and I don't understand why. I actually ate something today, and i've been drinking water and stuff. The heat is on....usually when I'm working like I have been today I'm burning hot, but right now I'm freezing my butt off.

So the other day when hubby and I went grocery shopping we had $80 for two weeks....we also needed all the paper products (toilet paper, paper towels, tissues), razor blades, poop dust (or so I call it) so once we got all that we had enough for bread, peanut butter, butter and not much else. We BARELY have enough food to get through to the next payday. Blah, I'm so tired of paying to poop. Thats what we do, we pay for food  that turns into poop and then we pay for toilet paper to wipe our poopy butts and then we pay for water to wash our poopy butts and flush our poopy down the drain. We pay to poop! Its annoying and expensive!!!

ok i'm gonna find food. i'm shaking too hard....i'm done with my rants for now.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

magic money tree

aggravated, when you put an add on craigslist telling a need and saying you don't have any money to pay for said needed item, people email you saying " i have said needed item, but it will cost you $50 and then another $20 for delivery" why do they think they don't need a punch to the face?? i mean i said right there, we have UNDER $5.00 where do they think the other $65 is coming from?? sorry i don't have a magic money tree growing out my butt i can pluck funds from anytime i want to. grrrr


I'm sitting here watching tv. I see a commercial about ovaries, or birth control, or pads, and its hitting me....I don't have those parts in me anymore. I'm like OMG really!?! I don't have ovaries, or cysts, or uterus. I don't have any of them anymore. 

I understood what I was asking for when I asked for the surgery, but now that I'm healed, its really starting to hit home. I don't have these parts. I don't have a prayer of getting pregnant. I'm 28 years old and I'm in menopause. I have hot flashes. I have night sweats. I don't sleep well. Do I regret having this surgery done? No. But its just starting to hit me. Right after the surgery I was nothing but happy since I wasn't bleeding anymore. I went from going through a large (28) bag of heavy over night pads a week to nothing. I went from hemorrhaging to not and knowing that I won't do that again. 

I am learning to relive my life, and feel like I will have to keep learning how to live in a new way. I am having to be in a body that is going through things "normal" women don't deal with until they are in their 40's or 50's. Its a little hard to deal with sometimes. 

Sunday, October 30, 2011

no name given

boy, i haven't written in forever and a day. Since last writing, I spent time with my husband and his mother and step father. They took us on a weekend trip to land between the lakes in ky. it was so nice. there was a ham fest and antique shops. we really enjoyed hanging out with mom and pop.

this weekend hubby and i have spent on the couches resting being sick. Hubby is NEVER sick, and when he is, he's bad sick. So we have spent the time resting and watching television.

its starting to get cold here and its so nice. i always look forward to fall and winter. i love snuggling under the blankets and drinking hot tea and hot cocoa.

we're getting our house reorganized and cleaning and getting rid of stuff. we have family coming in for the holidays and are trying to make room for everyone. its going to be interesting fitting everyone in the house.

i will write more and more cohesively later when i'm not fevering.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Mood: scream and crying throwing a temper tantrum

I feel like screaming at everything and everyone. I haven't felt this way in a while. I am in a very piss poor mood. I can't think of how to spell something and I'm ready to throw the laptop. I want something and I have no money so I wanna scream and cry. I feel like throwing a temper tantrum because I can't have what I want and do what I want. I hate this. I hate feeling like I am, I hate wanting things.

I want to do so many things and I am constantly confined by funds, or lack there of. I talk to my father and his wife and the first thing they say to me is something stupid about having a job. My hubby and I have decided right now due to my health and other issues only he will work for right now. I talk to my sister in law and she asks about my cousin and her having her kid or not tonight. I'm just overwhelmed with the urge to scream and throw things and destroy and I want to hear glass shatter.

why?? why am i like this today?? i need a gift sent to me to cheer me up. anyone wanna help???

Saturday, October 8, 2011

food talk...

So my hubby and I have lately with out really meaning to, or realizing it....we have been decreasing our portion sizes. I'm so proud of us. We used to go through a complete 1Lb box of noodles, 1Lb of meat and 1 container of spaghetti sauce in one sitting, but last night we didn't even use 1/2 of it for the 2 of us, and we were both full. I don't know what's changing our appetites, but I'm praying it will cause us (or at least me) to start losing weight.

Earlier this week, we went to little caesar's pizza and got their meal deal of breadsticks, soda and a pizza and didn't finish it in one setting either.

We both have been more interested in salads and healthier foods. We use coconut oil like its going out of style with our cooking. It tastes so good and its got good fat and is good for you. We have been doing more protein and less carbs (or less pastas) other than the occasional mac and cheese.

We have also been snacking on popcorn, which is actually a healthier snack that what we have in the past had for snacks.


i've been sitting here reading blogs, i am having that itch again to create. I want to go out dumpster diving....however I live in (what hubby and I call) little mexico. People in our area don't throw out good furniture that is a little worn, they throw out garbage....complete garbage that can't be salvaged. Right now I don't have funds for gas to go across town looking for peoples trash, but I want to create. I sit here crocheting instead of doing what I've been desperately desiring to create or to redo - furniture. There is a goodwill about a mile from home, but they only get i think i'm going to ask my momma to go up there to the trift stores in wv and bring me things i can create with.

however, right now i'm in the process of finishing one of my w.i.p.s....i had one idea of what i wanted to do, but hated it, it was too heavy, so I'm now redoing this bag.

this week i have cleaned my bathroom's sink and toilet, mailed some stuff and been finishing wips. I just sent my momma 2 bags for her, one for my momaw, and a wheel chair bag for my popaw. i have made one more and then the one on my lap. I also have my first adult sized blanket in progress too. Its for my momma.

We watched the new x-men first class movie. it had its cheesy factors, but it was kinda interesting. i like the rest of them, but that wasn't the best one....but I still want it to go in our collection. lol.

i'm being distracted by watching mythbusters....i will write more later. sorry i haven't been writing much lately....i'm working on following through with what i'm starting.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


yay, the nicest lady ever sent me a copy of the pattern i've been looking for!!! yay!!!!! so thats my happiness today on my yukky sick day. as soon as i can get ink, i will print it and make it for me. yay!!!!!!

thank you nice lady! :D

Monday, September 26, 2011

looking for pattern

looking for annie's shoulder sling bag pattern from 1989.

looking for the one on the lower right side. please let me know if you have it.

Sunday, September 25, 2011


i'm thinking about making the move to tumblr, but not sure yet.....if your there check me out.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

can't think of a name for this...

I have decided that I do not think that young(ish) married couples with out kids do not blog. Every single blog I have come across is parents. I have yet to find an interesting blog that isn't covered in ultrasounds, preggo bellies, kids, and kiddy themed pictures.

Yes, I have nieces and nephews, but my life is not completely consumed by them. There for I don't want to read about nothing but kids. Yes, I am an over grown kid and I like some of the pages, but I want to find creative married people's blogs with out kids. People who are real...people who are broke....people who are imaginative.

Well, I am trying to find ways of being creative spending NO money. However, here is my do you peoples get pallets home?? do you just own HUGE vehicles? I have no clue how to get one home. They will not fit into our happy little crv.

I have found so many great ideas for pallet crafts, I want to try some of them. Also....where in nashville is a good place to go dumpster diving? I loved doing that when I was littler.....we found some great things growing up. Ok, we didn't really dumpster was more like "hey, look someone is throwing out a GREAT mirror" or something like that on the side of the road or sitting by a dumpster. Any ideas where do you go to "dumpster dive" in nashville???

I really want to figure out how to get people talking back to me on here, and not just talking to myself acting like there is people who read this!! Anyone is welcome to talk to me and give me ideas.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

not a mom

I'm not a mother, I can no longer have option to carry a child in me. I have no parts for child bearing. I want to join a group (even craft groups) but they seem to be centered around moms. Well, what about us women who aren't mothers, and don't want to continually be confronted with women talking about their kids or pregnancy issues. Where do you go??

Well, I want to open a line of communications here so we can figure something out. I want to have a group in real life, not just on ever, i think my best best is to start online. So if you are NOT-A-MOM and want to join a craft group (knitting, crochet, sewing) or just a NOT-A-MOM group, let me know. I also want to make it a little more challenging....I want to do this group where we don't have to spend money.....or don't have to spend much. I don't know about anyone else these days, but I'm broke. Right now my bank account has $4. So if there is anyone else who is wanting to join a group with out worrying about I don't have money so I can't join a group issues, please let me know. I want to get a large group of women (men too I'm not prejudiced) where we can get together and enjoy our crafts with out worry.

Saturday, September 17, 2011

minimizing...or wanting to

So hubby and I have been talking for a long time now that we need to get ready to move into smaller house/apartment. I know we won't be able to live in a house my parents own for much longer...and when we have to move, we will not have the break in rent like we've been having.

I have been watching videos and reading blogs and seeing everything that can be done with small spaces. I'm REALLY impressed by what people have and can do with such little places and still feel like they have everything they need. I want to be a minimalist.

i get excited to see what people can do and how spacious it actually seems to live in the little places. I'm going to go through and take pictures of each room and slowly get rid of stuff and show before and after pictures when i actually can start minimizing our stuff and get hubby to help me. He's for it, but he's also not wanting to get rid of stuff we could continue using and doesn't seem to want to get onto getting rid of stuff until we have to.

i however am constantly overwhelmed with stuff and not having places for things and I just want to get rid of everything. i'm in one of my moods maybe where i don't care about stuff its just overwhelming me and all i wanna do is to cry.

it could be because i've stopped taking my could be because i'm sitting here with tubs all around me and then hubby is doing tech support with my mother and their smart phones and every few minutes my mom is having to do stuff for my grandparents and my aunt and my step dad. and so he's either getting texts or calls from mom and he's talking while he's doing everything and the tvs going and i just wanna run away and scream while i'm running away.

ugh. blah. i dunno. i'll write again later.....oh wait another thought is coming in....

and its gone, hubby is asking me questions that i have no clue to and i'm no longer able to have thoughts and talk to someone about something else. oh wait, its coming back....or not, he's not listening to me when i say shut up and don't talk for a minute so i can finish what i'm doing. ugh. tears are upon me.

now i'm being mean because i asked him not to talk. i'm so ready to go and hide in the bedroom. i think he's bitchy as well as me because we didn't get any sleep last night. not for any reason other than laying awake not being able to sleep.

here is my thought finally......

no one is buying the crochet bags i've made......i haven't lined them because i don't know since no one is buying, i'm thinking about asking for people to buy me gift cards for the post office so i can ship them a random bag or item i have made. what's your thoughts on that??? if anyone wants to do that, please let me know and we can work something out.

thanks for reading. sorry hubby for being mean. i love you.

Sunday, September 11, 2011


there is a world that is rotating and moving around me and i feel like i'm just standing still and i don't know how to get into motion with the world. I just am continually over whelmed and ready to cry my eyes out.

i sit and knit or crochet and my butt is ever growing larger. i cry because i'm fat, and do nothing about it. i wine because i have no friends and i don't leave my house to make them. my delima is this, i can't afford gas to leave my house to make friends. I have people that occasionally talk to me on facebook, but i want friends to talk to on the phone or in person.

i don't know how to start motivating myself to move and to get active and to join the world in being a doer and not a wish i was doing...

i have been working on my wips (for you non crafters, Work In Progress's). I have completed 2 yesterday and working on one today. its more bags.....i will be posting pictures soon....well, in the next few days.

i think i may be getting the nerve up to start using the sewing machine my mom left me. i don't know why, but it scares me to think about using it, but at the same time I want to learn to sew more and more every day!

ok, well, i guess my words have run out for the day. thanks for reading.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011


The last 2 weeks has been a lot. I went to florida with my mother to help my brother and his wife finish their move and to visit as well as be there for my eldest nephew's birthday. While we were there we missed my grandfather's 90th birthday. He didn't want a party and doesn't really care who's there. However, my nephew  asked only for Gram (my mom) to be there for his birthday.

One night while we were in florida, my mother, my sister in law and i went out to painting with a twist. While there I was having a hot flash. The lady I was sitting beside heard me make a comment about hot flashes being horrible. She laughed and said you having hot flashes, i don't think so, or something snide like that. I then had to tell her that I had a hysterectomy, and then I get the usual "i'm so sorry"s....I'm so sick of those. I hate the sympathy and the "I'm sorry"s.

I'm at the point in my life where I'm no longer the youngest...but i'm not the oldest either. I'm not an old woman, but I'm in menopause. I no longer have pms. I just am at an in between old and young, and don't know what comes next. I know for "normal" women menopause runs 10 years, but no one writes about menopause after a hysterectomy. How long does it last? How long do the migraines last?

I'm trying to be a good wife and house keeper, but after 2 weeks gone, I'm having the hardest time getting into the groove. I have wasted today making lists of what i need to do....but doing nothing. I'm already nervous just knowing what i need to do. I'm anxious trying to figure where to start. Is this just part of being a woman? or a menopausal woman?

My husband is the most patient, loving, understanding, wonderful man. He took friday off to be with me for 4 days straight. We spent almost all weekend on the couch with our love seat pulled over to the couch so we could put up our feet and veg out. We enjoyed doing nothing we had to do, and just watching tv hubby had dvr'd for us and then playing wii games and just being together. We did go out to a movie (the last harry potter) and dinner (applebee's)...that was our first date night with out a reason. I loved it.

I just don't know where to go, what to do. How do I get motivated? how do i lose weight? how do i make friends? how do i learn about me? how do i find the truth with out learning it with people's spin on it? like the Bible, all the names have been do I learn the Bible with out the name changes? Do I have to learn another language? How can I make more money? No one wants to buy the bags I've been making. Its too hard to get a job with one car and the car isn't even gonna last long. its getting "old" and ugh. Will life get easier?

I have so much on my mind, but don't wanna ramble on too long on here. I need to just start journaling or something, but i can't write as fast as my mind thinks. I almost can't type that fast anymore either. But i'm trying to get most if not all of what i'm needing to out here. Its not really like anyone is really reading this. If I'm wrong, if you are reading this i'm sorry. I'd love to hear from you if your not me and reading this.

I guess I'll go get started on something somewhere. Thanks for reading if you are....or thanks blogger for being here so I can write and get out all my crap.

Friday, August 12, 2011


today started out kinda slow....i couldn't wake up. it was so hard to get motivated to do anything. I didn't do anything, I just laid there and did nothing.

By the time hubby came home, i had made coffee and drunk a large cup.....he had one and i had another large cup, almost finished one pot!!! Thats not normal for me.

He was on facebook, and ended up being added to a group from our old elementary school. I had him add me and it was so much fun reminiscing about when we first met and the way school was. The lunches at school. Just everything about the christian school we went to. Unfortunately its closed now....but it was a small school and it was wonderful talking to people who were older than me and remembered more than me. I went to many different schools and barely remember my kindergarten/first grade school.

I have had dreams of this white building for years, it was white with columns in front....there were pine trees lining the road on either side of the drive. There was a big rock in front of the white building in the yard. I just found out that this dream i've been having was the school i went to for kindergarten. I was amazed!!!

I can't believe its been almost a week since I last wrote. I was getting ready for a trip that didn't happen due to a family member going into the hospital. So the trip has been postponed. I have been getting my music on my mp3 player....thats part of getting ready for this trip. My mom and I always groove to music on road trips.

blah anyways thats enough rambling. i'm going to go play on facebook for now.

Monday, August 8, 2011

thought of the day...

so I've been looking through blogs and I don't know if everyone uses magazine pictures in their blogs of houses or apartments and claim those as their own homes or if people REALLY have houses that look like magazines.

I can tell you 100% I do not live in a home that looks like a magazine or anything close to a magazine. Unless its the before picture. You know the one that's disorganized, and has piles of stuff all over and everything isn't in pretty cabinets. My house is lived in, and disorganized. I have been trying to get everything organized, and make homes for everything. I think I'm going to get up right now and walk through my house and take pictures of each room and date them.....and see how much better/worse it gets.  I still have a little bit of a phobia of putting pictures of my house (inside or out) online for everyone to see. Its like asking someone to come and rob my house, its like here you go, I cased the place for you and here is the photographic evidence. I may put the 2 most used rooms on my blog, but not sure yet.

I'm still trying to work on my household notebook. I have so many projects going right now. I have at least 4 if not more crochet projects going, and at least 2 of those are needing to be sewn on to jeans or some kind of material. I also have my "travel" room project that I'm trying to work on, but....well, thats not going well. Its hard when you have to depend on people for help....because you're not a priority to strangers or friends. I mean do you think of your friends, or some strangers you are "friends" with on facebook when your raising your kids or living your life?! Be honest now, I think not!

My mom called me the other day, we had a conversation that I never thought would happen in my life. She had met some drag queens in Joann's and she ended up talking to them and found out they make a good deal on making costumes for drag shows. She called me and talked to me and my hubby about possibly making costumes for drag shows to help make money. I don't know if its that I'm not sure of myself, or that I keep myself from being creative for fear of failing or sucking....but I just can't see me doing that. I mean it would be cool to do something like that.

I'm afraid of trying because I'm afraid of sucking or failing. I'm also scared of trying creative things because if i'm using things around the house, if I mess up, I can't replace it or try again because I only have one of things. I'm confined by finances. I mean hubby and I leave the house once every 2 weeks for food and gas shopping, and other than that, he goes to work, and eats there so he doesn't have to use any more gasoline. We can't afford adding ANYTHING else to our budget. Its getting ridiculous with how tight our budget is.

Ok, I'm starting to ramble again, and I'm starting to fall asleep too, so i think i'm going to get off here and work on something tho i'm not sure what tho. Thanks for reading if you are!! :D

Friday, August 5, 2011


So today has been completely unfulfilling. I wish I was able to be invisible, or to not be me for the day. I can't walk due to what i think is a cyst on the bottom of my foot. Its huge and killing me. I'm tired of being the woman/girl who is always unhealthy, and something is always wrong.

Again, my mother-in-law is sending money to help us. I know they are having a rough month too. They have had crap happen this month...but still she comes up with funds to help us. I want Nathan (hubby) and I to be able to make it on our own, but somehow it seems like that may not be God's plan. Its just tiring having to ask for help to be able to see a doctor, or get the medicine I need. Nathan asked for $15 out of the $60 we got selling stuff last month and I went off on him. Its so unfair, he works non stop and does everything for me and takes time off when I'm having surgery. Yet, when he asks for $15 for a game to play  with his brother I go off. This month I put it in the budget no matter how broke we are, because he deserves it.

I'm the worst blogger there is. I'm dying to be creative, but am limited by funds. There for I am not able to do what I want to do. I'm not able to be creative in a creative way, because I'm always looking at other people's ideas and wanting to do that. I'm not creative in an original creative way.

Ugh, I'm having a lets feel sorry for me day, and its so hard not being able to escape from my head.To get out of my head, I write.  So I'm using this blog as a diary, more than anything else I guess.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

my hand in too many pots

Instead of too many hands in the pot, its I have my hand in too many pots. Or at least it feels that way. I'm EASILY over whelmed right now, and I don't even have to do anything to get that way.

So today I'm sitting here over whelmed realizing I have too many projects going. If I showed you a picture of my living room, you'd probably be shocked. I have 4 tubs sitting in front of my couch. One is full of bags I made (the ones I posted yesterday), one is yarn and w.i.p.s (aka Work In Progress) one is another project I have (one that i mentioned as another post - the one with license plates, key chains, and maps. then the last tub, honestly is being used for a table. lol. I'm trying to rid the house of stuff I don't need, or that hubby and I don't use.

Going through menopause and sometimes spurts of depression, isn't helping either. I'm sitting here for the last two or three days and I have done NOTHING. I've been bawling my eyes out. Its crazy. I hate being this way.

I'm trying to motivate myself. Last week I did good, I read 14 chapters of Genesis, and I put all my laundry away. I did the dishes last week to where they were all clean. This week I have sat and cried and have done nothing else.

My mom is wanting me in Wv to help her with my grandparents (who aren't talking to me), and to be there for her...she has a knee injury. My sister in law wants me in florida to help her move. I have no money to go either place. I'd rather go to florida then to WV. Wv feels like a prison sentence to me. I feel like I'm reverting to childhood again where I do what I'm expected and I have no thoughts, feelings or opinions. I hate it there. Its not a happy place for me. I'm ready to break apart even thinking of west virginia. Florida has never been my favorite place, but my brother his wife and their kids are there. I have lately been growing closer to my sister in law. She calls me and just talks or asks questions or to just talk to an adult, since she's a stay at home mom.

My hubby and I are having a hell of a time staying afloat. I'm not sure as of this minute if we are going to have $66 for 2 weeks for food and gas or if we're going to have $166 for food and gas for 2 weeks. Either way its not enough. I'm still having to put my health on hold since we don't have enough for copayments and prescriptions.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

stuff to sell...

I have SO many bags I have made or my momma has made. Some are based on patterns and some are original designs. I just need to come up with prices for each. but here are the pictures. let me know if your interested in any of them. here they come.

Apron, wash cloth, 2 pot holders, 2 iron skillet handle covers, hand towel, plastic bag holder, 2 hot mits

based on the swirling bag pattern. small

no pattern, 3 sided bag - i don't have this one anymore, but can make more like it

based on swirling bag pattern, 2 tone green. 

little girl purse

small bag hunter green and white

ruffled bag, no handle

small bag

based on swirling bag pattern, hunter green and white with red and green flecks

based on swirling bag pattern, cammoish colors

based on swirling bag pattern, blue and white

based on swirling bag pattern, its self striping red green and off white

ruffled bag with handle

card holder

based on swirling bag pattern, dark blue and pink

little bag blue and white

water bottle holder

no pattern 3 sided bag - no longer have this, but can make more like it

based on swirling bag pattern, self striping red green and off white

4 sided bag no pattern - no longer have this, but can make more like it

weird bag squared bottom, no pattern self striping red green and off white

based on swirling bag pattern, scrappy bag multi colored. bigger bag

this is my favorite bag, its made of paris yarn. it lays flat, and you can use the strap to tie around your wrist or just hold on to it. It has a draw string. 

just a little round bag

pencil case with jewel hanging off the top. no pattern

based on swirling bag pattern, varrying yello and other verigated yarn

based on swirling bag pattern, cammoish color. larger

based on swirling bag pattern, verigated yarn

little bag no pattern, off white and green

little blue and white bag, no pattern

soft eye glass case, self striping yarn, red green off white

4 pannel bag, with flap, lays flat

white and dark blue bag, i think i made it out of nylon. I LOVE this bag too.

off white and denim color bag, no pattern

no pattern, off white, soft soft bag. 

round bottom with green edging, verigated top. no handle

itty bitty bag, cover for bunn in hair?? i dunno. 

this is mildly based off a pattern from the 70's or 80's i think. its made to tie around your waist or knot the ends and wear it around your neck!? its dark blue and pink. 

little back pack, with pocket on front. no pattern. 

back of the back pack

super soft little bag, no pattern

blue and white drawstring bag

based on swirling bag pattern, verigated yarn

big orangy bag. no pattern. good project bag.

based on swirling bag pattern, green top with bottom white with flecks of red and green

soft little bag. lays flat. no pattern

big green bag, based on swirling bag pattern

self striping bag with off white on top and handle. 

cell phone case

draw string bag

this is just a little bag, it covers a wipey container

blue beach bag

i love this yarn, it stripes different colors in with the grayish yarn. there is a flap and a strap in gray. with a wonderful playful triangle button

dusty rose pot holder set. 2 pot holders and 2 cast iron handle covers

black and white pot holder set. 2 pot holders and 1 cast iron handle cover

various pot holders

denim blue pot holders

various pot holders