Wednesday, January 11, 2012

today's thoughts....

So my sister in law (Diane) sent me a book for Christmas, I will admit at first I was like hmph, a book. Great just what I need. Then I read what she wrote inside the book. She wanted to do the study in this book with me. I have to admit, that changed my attitude. People are ALWAYS willing to give you a self help book, but not many of them are willing to do a self help book (if thats what this is, i don't really know how to categorize this book) with you. So she has emailed me and she already started it, so i'm playing a little catch up....but I have to say I'm not even done with the first chapter, and I'm excited. Its getting me to look at myself and really think and also getting me to read the Bible.

I'm still working on that crochet blanket for mom....when I'm going to finish it, i'm not sure i'm going to try to finish it in the next 2 - 3 most. She saw it when she was here for christmas and thanksgiving. She loves it.....

Since thanksgiving, my aunt has come to live in the little house beside us, on the same property. She has lived there once before, but she's back. Last time she wasn't ok with living there, this time, she seems more ok to be there, but at the same time wants her independence....but isn't really independent. She is using our laundry detergent, mom's fabric softener. We have been giving her food and needs, but we're out of money, not about out, we are OUT of money. She came over today thinking she was gonna get coffee, but I didn't make any and I'm trying to save what we have for me and my husband since my husband is who works so we can have stuff. She seems to be a little mad I didn't make her any coffee, but I'm not giving everything to her and she expects to be cared for and gets mad when she's not.  We got her a bed because she didn't have one. I had to get it off craigslist and all i had was $40. Well, she's done nothing but bitch about that bed since she's been here. She acts like she wants me to pay for something better for her and I don't have it and I won't. She's got a job, but she spends most of her money on cleaning products or cigarettes. She acts like she's starving to death, but her millionaire boyfriend isn't helping her. I say he's either not that wealthy or else they make the stupidest couple ever, she won't let him help her because she's independent and he won't help her because she's independent. So I say bullshit on all of it.

I guess I need to do more on the book I'm reading because as you can tell with this rant of a blog today, that I'm not acting very wonderful, and excellent. (the title of the book is "becoming a woman of excellence") so I'm going to go shove my nose into that some more and get over my aunt until she comes in again for laundry.

I do have to admit one more thing before I get off here....I have found something I thought I lost a long time ago. I found my FAVORITE pocket item....I found my leatherman micra. I'm excited. Other than that....I think I've been better over the last couple days. I have swept the entire house and removed all trash and started a good will pile!! YAY!!! My sinus infection I think is in its last I'm FINALLY getting over that! Double YAY!! I actually even packed lunch for my husband for work.

I'm trying to be a better me and learn who I am. I'm not sure where to find that out, but I'm talking more with husband and I'm reading this book and the Bible....I'm praying a little more than I have in a while. I feel like things are starting to turn around. FINALLY!!!

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

lost in life...

Well, its been a while since I last wrote. Its not like anyone really noticed or anything, but I thought I'd stop in and update it just in case I have any readers.

Well, thanksgiving i had 6 people in my house including me and my husband. That lasted for about a week. That was a crazy week. I don't really remember details or anything. I should have written about it right after, but it went well. That week, I enjoyed my grandparents more than I have in my entire life. They were completely sweet and understanding, generous and loving. Which has never been a way I could describe my grandparents. They have always been rather abrupt, not so understanding, not generous to me EVER, and I'm sure they have always loved in their conditional love kind of way. But at thanksgiving, they were everything they have never been.

Four days before Christmas there were 5 people in the house.....then Christmas was 11 people in my home, including hubby and me, for 5 days. Then 10 people for 7 days. It was a wild 2 weeks. I went to Walmart I think more than 15 times in the 2 weeks. I went to Kroger about 10 times if not more. I went to cvs like 5 times. I'm TOTALLY tired and worn out. I can't even remember how many items I had to return for my grandmother. I'm probably not supposed to tell all the OCD things that happened while family was here. But let me tell you, in the 2 weeks family was here, I could probably write a novel from all the craziness.

I enjoyed the family being here even with the stresses. I ABSOLUTELY LOVED having my brother and his family here and my momma. I love watching the 3 kids interact with my mom. Those children love my mother more and more and they bring my mom to life more than anything/anyone else has/can. I love spending time with my 2 nephews and my niece. They are wonderful children. I adore my sister-in-law. I loved spending time cooking and talking with her. I was glad that my brother and my husband (who were friends before my marriage) got to go out and spend time together. I even got to steal a few minutes with my brother as well. I love the man my brother has turned into.

We all took turns being sick, and I'm still on my turn. I don't know who started it, but I feel horrible. I think its a sinus infection, and my ears are killing me too.

My aunt is living next door since thanksgiving, but hasn't really been there since then....she's staying with her boyfriend. But she's now been next door for 2 days, and she's got no tv and her computer is riddled with viruses, so she's got nothing to do over there for she's trying to stay over here with me since I have tv and internet. I'm trying to be understanding, but right now, I just wanna be alone and stay in bed all day and night.

I've been looking forward to my husband coming home tonight since we have the house alone, but he just called me and told me he's not sure he will be able to come home until around midnight since someone at work had a death in his family and the other guy won't do runs in the van cause he's an idiot. He won't go the speed limit and drives like he's a nascar driver or something stupid like that, he gets a ticket everytime he does a run. So now my husband is working double time trying to get everything done today that he usually has all week to do. I'm not a happy camper. He's coming home, but just not sure when. I know he's actually at work, this is the craziest time of year, but i'm menopausal, and missing my husband and sicker than sick and just want my love home.

I'm so tired and hurt all over and just want what i want and i can't have what i want right now so i'm trying not to cry so i don't have more problems breathing, but crying is all i feel like doing right now.