Saturday, January 29, 2011


I had made up my mind, I am going to have a complete hysterectomy....I mean I have been bleeding for 4 months. Mom came in and gave me the money for the dr appointment. And we get to the dr's mention of hysterectomy. She is doing tests on me I have been through a thousand times before. However she mentioned 2 different things that no other dr has done/mentioned. She wants to do a test on me to look for endometriosis.....some of the symptoms i have make her think not only do i have PCOS/PCOD but i may have endometriosis. And then she also said she has seen women with high testosterone have better chances of carrying a child. So now again I'm i want to go through all this and try for kids, or do i just wanna tell the dr that i'm done and want it all removed.

I'm so conflicted. I know that going option 1: removal of everything is going to be a costly price, once and then i'll be done; or option 2: testing, surgeries, and more periods, and fertility treatment is going to cost and cost and cost and then if we have kids, they will cost even more. I have wanted kids since I was one, but I got to the point where I've accepted that I can't have kids.

I know that one thing I need to do is I need to lose weight. However, the lack of funds and the out of control hormones makes it hard. I have talked to dietitians and they aren't any help. I don't like the way I look now. I know I need to lose weight to be healthy. But how do you eat healthy on $100 or less for 2 people for 2 weeks? when you have to buy EVERYTHING needed for that amount. Pads, car needs, gas, paper goods, everything for the house.

My life is constantly waiting on something. Right now I can't work because of the bleeding.....and unless we get more money, things are going to be tight....and I have to wait on dr apointments until either mom and doug help us out or unless i do work the part time job I have once a year.

Right now, I'm dying to craft......I am out of ink for my printer, and need some items for what I do what to do...however, the money is an issue for me. So I want anyone who may read this who has thoughts or ideas on how to craft from what anyone has in their house. I have no original ideas for crafting, but I have a million ideas from things I have seen on the internet and books I own.

I want to make changes in me.....I want to better my life. I want to be healthy. I'm not making new years resolutions, because I never follow through. But this year I want to become a better me!