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Wednesday, March 9, 2011

2 weeks

Its been 2 weeks since my surgery. This has been a long time coming. I'm thankful that I can function as a normal person now. I still have some pain, but not nearly as much as i thought there was gonna be.

I'm a little more emotionally needy right now of hubby, but I think thats because we're still not able to be intimate and therefor I need his reassurance in other ways. He's being so supportive and loving and when he's home from work, he's constantly watching me and loving me and giving compliments and just being the God send I married. He is so supportive and loving, I couldn't have asked for anything/anyone better than him.

Today I had a little floating red weirdness in the toilet....it kinda freaked me out a little, but other than that I have had no bleeding after surgery, which most women do. My doctor actually prayed with me before surgery. I feel like going through the hysterectomy and the oophorectomy was a smart move. It has eased my life so much and I'm not remorseful or regretting this as much as i was scared i might. I think I really psyched myself out before surgery. I think part of while I was horribly emotional before I had surgery was because of the unknown. I wasn't sure I was going to ever be able to carry a child or not. I was always waiting on "normalcy" to hit me, but I'm not normal nor was my cycle so I was waiting on nothing. So now I know I won't be able to carry a child since I have no parts anymore, but I'm ok with that. THere are plenty of children who are already born and need homes and love, and when Nathan and I are ready, we will either adopt or we have an offer of a surrogate......but we'd have to come up with a boat load of money. SO we continue to pray for things to get better.

Last night I cried myself to sleep, I'm overwhelmed with wanting to be intimate with my hubby, but I can't and he's so loving and everything, but I'm craving him. And can't be satisfied for another 2 to 4 weeks. This is the HARDEST part of this whole surgery so far....but the hot flashes come in a close second.

I feel like the world just opened itself to me. I have so many options that were closed to me due to having to always plan where the bathroom was...and the fact that I USED to have to run there constantly so I didn't bleed down my legs. Now I told hubby once I'm completely in the clear, and healed....I wanna burn a pad and pantyliner in effigy. They represent the old me and my old life, and now things are new and different and I'm so excited about things I'm going to be able to do once I'm done healing from surgery.

I'll be able to ride a bike,
I'll be able to learn how to swim,
I'll be able to wear a bathing suit,
I'll be able to go on walks,
I'll be able to lose weight,
I'll be able to keep my house clean,
I'll be able to wear pretty underwear,
I'll be able to feel like a sexy woman for me and my hubby,
I'll be able to hold a job if and when I'm ready to get one....

and the list continues to grow of things I'll be able to do once I'm done healing. life is exciting.