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Friday, August 5, 2011

invisible

So today has been completely unfulfilling. I wish I was able to be invisible, or to not be me for the day. I can't walk due to what i think is a cyst on the bottom of my foot. Its huge and killing me. I'm tired of being the woman/girl who is always unhealthy, and something is always wrong.

Again, my mother-in-law is sending money to help us. I know they are having a rough month too. They have had crap happen this month...but still she comes up with funds to help us. I want Nathan (hubby) and I to be able to make it on our own, but somehow it seems like that may not be God's plan. Its just tiring having to ask for help to be able to see a doctor, or get the medicine I need. Nathan asked for $15 out of the $60 we got selling stuff last month and I went off on him. Its so unfair, he works non stop and does everything for me and takes time off when I'm having surgery. Yet, when he asks for $15 for a game to play  with his brother I go off. This month I put it in the budget no matter how broke we are, because he deserves it.

I'm the worst blogger there is. I'm dying to be creative, but am limited by funds. There for I am not able to do what I want to do. I'm not able to be creative in a creative way, because I'm always looking at other people's ideas and wanting to do that. I'm not creative in an original creative way.

Ugh, I'm having a lets feel sorry for me day, and its so hard not being able to escape from my head.To get out of my head, I write.  So I'm using this blog as a diary, more than anything else I guess.