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Tuesday, September 6, 2011

inbetween

The last 2 weeks has been a lot. I went to florida with my mother to help my brother and his wife finish their move and to visit as well as be there for my eldest nephew's birthday. While we were there we missed my grandfather's 90th birthday. He didn't want a party and doesn't really care who's there. However, my nephew  asked only for Gram (my mom) to be there for his birthday.

One night while we were in florida, my mother, my sister in law and i went out to painting with a twist. While there I was having a hot flash. The lady I was sitting beside heard me make a comment about hot flashes being horrible. She laughed and said you having hot flashes, i don't think so, or something snide like that. I then had to tell her that I had a hysterectomy, and then I get the usual "i'm so sorry"s....I'm so sick of those. I hate the sympathy and the "I'm sorry"s.

I'm at the point in my life where I'm no longer the youngest...but i'm not the oldest either. I'm not an old woman, but I'm in menopause. I no longer have pms. I just am at an in between old and young, and don't know what comes next. I know for "normal" women menopause runs 10 years, but no one writes about menopause after a hysterectomy. How long does it last? How long do the migraines last?

I'm trying to be a good wife and house keeper, but after 2 weeks gone, I'm having the hardest time getting into the groove. I have wasted today making lists of what i need to do....but doing nothing. I'm already nervous just knowing what i need to do. I'm anxious trying to figure where to start. Is this just part of being a woman? or a menopausal woman?

My husband is the most patient, loving, understanding, wonderful man. He took friday off to be with me for 4 days straight. We spent almost all weekend on the couch with our love seat pulled over to the couch so we could put up our feet and veg out. We enjoyed doing nothing we had to do, and just watching tv hubby had dvr'd for us and then playing wii games and just being together. We did go out to a movie (the last harry potter) and dinner (applebee's)...that was our first date night with out a reason. I loved it.

I just don't know where to go, what to do. How do I get motivated? how do i lose weight? how do i make friends? how do i learn about me? how do i find the truth with out learning it with people's spin on it? like the Bible, all the names have been changed....how do I learn the Bible with out the name changes? Do I have to learn another language? How can I make more money? No one wants to buy the bags I've been making. Its too hard to get a job with one car and the car isn't even gonna last long. its getting "old" and ugh. Will life get easier?

I have so much on my mind, but don't wanna ramble on too long on here. I need to just start journaling or something, but i can't write as fast as my mind thinks. I almost can't type that fast anymore either. But i'm trying to get most if not all of what i'm needing to out here. Its not really like anyone is really reading this. If I'm wrong, if you are reading this i'm sorry. I'd love to hear from you if your not me and reading this.

I guess I'll go get started on something somewhere. Thanks for reading if you are....or thanks blogger for being here so I can write and get out all my crap.